By A. Satire, Professional Eye-Roller
In a dazzling display of ambition that makes Napoleon’s invasion plans look like a weekend to-do list, the folks at Trans Rights Now have penned an open letter to the UK Parliament that’s less a policy proposal and more a fever dream scribbled on a napkin at a particularly heated poetry slam. Posted on their website (https://transrightsnow.uk/?s=09), this manifesto demands nothing short of rewriting the laws of physics, biology, and common sense to ensure “transgender and nonbinary Britons” can live in a utopia where feelings trump facts and dissent is a hate crime. Buckle up, dear reader, as we dive into this kaleidoscope of absurdity with the glee of a toddler in a bouncy castle.
The letter kicks off with a bold claim:
A recent Supreme Court ruling (referred to as the “illegitimate Hodge Ruling,” because nothing screams legitimacy like dismissing judges you don’t like) has made it impossible for transgender people to “live our lives in the UK at all.” Hyperbole? Nah, just a casual assertion that a legal definition of “woman” based on biological sex is tantamount to exile. Forget rent, groceries, or taxes—apparently, the real barrier to existence is not being able to rewrite the Equality Act 2010 to include your pronouns. Who knew survival hinged on linguistic validation?
But wait, there’s more!
The letter accuses multiple UK governments of “abusing transgender people” while “claiming we ‘deserve dignity and respect.’” The evidence? A laundry list of grievances including breaches of the Public Sector Equality Duty, the Nolan Principles, and, for good measure, “UN Human Rights principles.” It’s like they threw a dart at a board of bureaucratic buzzwords and decided every miss was a war crime. The pièce de résistance? The UK has relegated trans citizens to “3rd class ‘unpersons.’” Orwell’s 1984 called; it wants its dystopian fanfic back.
Now, let’s talk demands, because this letter doesn’t just want change—it wants a revolution that would make Robespierre blush.
First up: classify “anti-trans language and rhetoric” as hate speech, including “deliberate misgendering.” That’s right, calling someone “sir” when they prefer “xe” could land you in the slammer. The press? They’re next, with a call to make it illegal for media to “incite moral panics” about trans issues. Because nothing says “free speech” like gagging journalists for reporting inconvenient truths. And those pesky “hate groups” like Sex Matters and LGB Alliance? Strip their charity status and label them as bigots, naturally. No need for due process when you’ve got moral superiority!
The letter’s jewel in the crown –
is the demand for “gender-neutral facilities in all public buildings” and the right for trans and non-binary people to use any “single-sex spaces” they feel “most comfortable in.” Translation: biological women, your changing rooms and refuges are now open to anyone with a “vibe”. Safety concerns? Pfft, those are just transphobic dog whistles. And don’t even think about questioning this, because the letter also calls for investigations into the “anti-trans politicisation” of the Charity Commission, Ministry of Justice, Judiciary, and—why not?—the entire UK press. It’s a conspiracy so vast it makes QAnon look like a book club.
The cherry on this sundae of surrealism is the demand for an “extended Conflict of Interest process” for MPs and ministers to declare their “religious and philosophical beliefs.” Because apparently, having a worldview that doesn’t align with Trans Rights Now’s is a conflict akin to insider trading. One can only imagine the parliamentary debates: “I declare my belief in gravity, Mr. Speaker, and apologise for its oppressive binary nature.”
The letter wraps up with a stern warning:
Parliamentary silence is “an indication of hostility.” In other words, if you don’t immediately rewrite the law to accommodate this wish-list, you’re basically Voldemort. It’s a masterclass in emotional blackmail, delivered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
Satire aside, the passion behind this letter is undeniable. But passion without reason is like a car without brakes—exciting until it crashes. The demands here aren’t just impractical; they’re a parody of activism, alienating allies and trivialising real struggles. If you’re going to demand the impossible, at least throw in a free unicorn for every citizen. That, Parliament might actually consider.
Disclaimer: No unpersons were harmed in the writing of this article. All pronouns were used with reckless abandon.
Here is the letter/pie in the sky manifesto (so you don’t have to give the site clicks & views!)